C is for Connie

I AM IN SUCH A BAD MOOD AND IT ISN”T EVEN 9:30. ARRRGGGGG.

I ALMOST MURDERED THREE KIDS ON THE TRAIN BECAUSE THEY WERE ACTING STUPID. THEN I WAS ALL HOT AND CRANKY BECAUSE IT WAS TOO HOT TO WEAR MY LONG COAT SO I HAD TO WEAR MY STINKY COAT THAT I SHOULD HAVE HAD DRY CLEANED. THEN I WAS LOOKING FOR MY IPOD SO I COULD DROWN OUT THE SOUND OF ANNOYING PEOPLE ON THE TRAIN AND I COULDN”T FIND IT! OHHH HO HO BUT I DID FIND ALL THE THINGS IN MY PURSE WET AND COVERED IN PICKLE JUICE. WHY? BECAUSE GENIUS THAT I AM I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE NICE TO HAVE PICKLES WITH MY SANDWICH FOR LUNCH TODAY, NOT THINKING THAT IT WOULD BE A RECIPE FOR DISASTER. SO NOW HERE I AM AT WORK TRYING TO UN-PICKLE MY PURSE AND NOT MURDER ANYONE IN A 5 FOOT RADIUS WHICH WON’T BE EASY. AARRRRGGGGG.

This Saturday AC and I ran into Jewel and somehow ended up in the toy/magazine aisle (don’t ask). Anyway, as we were testing out all the toys in Jewel, a lady passed by with her man friend and picked up the new Vogue which had Tina Fey on the cover.  This is what she said (in more words or less)

Uggo Lady: “What the hell, first she tries to be a nerd now she’s on the cover of Vogue? That’s so stupid.”

Then she stomped away with her gross man friend following along.

Umm, what the hell? Just because poor Tina Fey wanted to look different and take her glasses off the cover doesn’t mean she’s not trying to be a nerd. She never was “trying to be a nerd” she just chose to wear glasses! Sooorrry you’re a he-man and get jealous off of other people’s success, maybe YOU should try being a nerd, then you’d be successful instead of sitting around Jewel criticizing successful women.

Long story short- I’m now a proud owner of the new issue of Vogue, if anyone wants to borrow it. =D

It’s voting day in Illinois! If you haven’t already done so, make sure you go out and vote! I’m not going to sit here and tell you why it’s important, but I’ll explain why it will be easier for you than for me…

I think it was last year, I can’t remember what election it was for, but I was running late to cast my vote. I made it just in time before the polls closed and I was in a rush to get in and out. I signed in, grabbed my ballot, and headed to the booth where I quickly performed my patriotic duty. After I left I rushed over to a big metallic box with a slot in it and put my ballot in.

As I was about to leave, a poll watcher asked me where my ballot was. “In the box” I replied, thinking I was smart and didn’t need any help sending off my vote. After a couple of confused looks and walking around, I finally realized I PUT MY FREAKIN’ BALLOT IN A LOCKED STORAGE CABINET.

Was this my first time voting? No. Did I know that the ballot goes in that electronic-y thing where it scans it through? Yes. But in my mind I apparently was in the early 1900s where you place your bean in a jar and someone comes and counts up all the beans. Ugh.

It took two poll watchers and a janitor to PRY my ballot out of the slit that I mistakenly slipped my vote in. After that I was so mortified I swore that I would never vote again, unless it involved texting or clicking something online.  But it’s been a year, and I’m almost completely over the embarrassment and humiliation I endured well enough to suck it up and go back in there.

So you see, if I can get over that horrible experience, you can DEFINITELY go vote today!

So! Lots and lots to tell you! This will probably be the most poorly written post only because I’m still so excited I can’t form thoughts properly, so bear with me.

Remember last week when I wrote about how I wanted to run a marathon, then ended up eating chocolate-covered bacon? No? Well go read it (scroll down to the next post) and come back so you know what the heck I’m talking about.

Caught up? Ok! So yes, I posted that here and also on the RedEye Royalty page, which if you don’t know, is the website for all the Royalty of the RedEye Chicago newspaper. Basically they are the people who comment/send in stuff/communicate with the paper on a regular basis.  Remember? I got in last month? Ok good.

So I posted my blog, knowing in the back of my mind that if I SAY I’m going to run a marathon, that I better be able commit and actually DO it. But even though I get winded running for the train in the morning, I figured if I say it “out loud” then there’s no backing out. 

Then, like a day or two later, Steph, the awesome RedEye web editor, sent me a message asking if I would be interested blogging for them about my experience training for the marathon!  She said they were interested in a “regular-girl-gets-fit” blog, which was the nicest way of saying, “Hey fatty, want to write about getting fit?” I could imagine.  My response- uhhh YES! Getting paid for writing is one of my New Year’s Resolutions, along with getting fit- a two for one!  So then we talked, I told her what I thought would work and what wouldn’t.  Then like minutes later we met and before you know it I was getting my picture taken for my banner!

So what exactly just happened? Well, to put it simply for those that aren’t into the internets (hi mom), I am going to be a columnist for their website. If you go to www.redeyechicago.com you will see all the official bloggers on the right column, which will soon include me!  The title of my blog will be “Marathon Missfit” (Do you get it? misfit? Miss Fit??)

This all happened so fast that I can’t even wrap my head around it yet. I’m going to be a writer? For real? ABOUT FITNESS??!! AHHH! This is intense. It didn’t really hit until last night when I went to an event for the entire ChicagoNow website- which is where the RedEye’s website is located. There were a million famous Chicago bloggers there including some of the RedEye bloggers, all of whom were SUPER nice. I felt so cool!  I did my very best trying to conceal my complete dorkiness, but I”m not sure if they were entirely convinced.

AND, I already met two people who offered to train me/help me train and close to 10 people who want to run with me. The editor suggested I start a running club, which I plan on doing once I, umm, can at least run a solid mile.

If you’re still confused, I’ve compiled a list of Q&A that I created based off the few people I told which includes questions I know no one is mean enough to ask, except maybe my sister. If you have more questions let me know!

Q: You are the laziest person I know, why are you writing about a Marathon?

A: That’s precisely why. Because I’m the average, non-runner who a lot of people can relate to as opposed to a Jillian Michaels/fitness pro type that looks intimidating.

Q: But, don’t you have to, work-out?

A: Yes, and probably diet as well.

Q: They must be paying you.

A: They are! I’m a freelance writer!

Q: How much?

A: Not enough to quit my day job. But it’s a huge deal. One of the bloggers just published a BOOK, another is a Chicago social lite, and the rest are all famous/do super cool stuff as well. I intend to copy all of them. ALSO: I get more based on the number of times people view my site. So click every hour on the hour!

Q: How often do you have to write?

A: At least 3xs a week, more if I can.

Q: Will you still keep C is for Connie?

A: Yes! But probably won’t get to write as much, after all, no one’s paying me to write here, and I go where the money goes. JK

Q: So when’s this “Marathon”?

A: October 10, 2010. The Chicago Marathon.

Q: And how many miles is that?

A: 26.2

Q: You’re dead.

A: I know.

Heeellllooo! I feel like I haven’t written in a long time! Holidays are always busy, I feel like I have a million friends/parties/events from Christmas thru New Years, then I’m back to sitting on my couch come mid January.  Here is my most recent post that you can also see on the Royalty page here: http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/redeye-royalty/

Before I begin my post I just wanted to say my thoughts and prayers go out to all the people of Haiti.  Here is a site that has a list of places to send donations to: http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/chi-haiti-help-boxjan13,0,6665203.story

Also, according to the White House blog, you can text HAITI to 90999 to instantly donate $10 to the relief effort.  I did it and it was fast and easy. They will text you to text YES to confirm, then they will text you once more and have you text STOP if you don’t want to receive updates.  Here is the White House site: http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2010/01/13/help-haiti

And now for my post…

I tend to have rather bizarre, out-there goals. My plans on how to improve myself/life/career never include rash, logical, well-thought out plans. Typically it’s more of a list of the absurd.  Some recent past careers that I have considered included becoming a Hedge Fund manager, because I thought it would be “easy money.” Obviously, this was before the Great Depression reenactment of 2009.  I then wanted to become a  Bounty Hunter because I loved Dog the Bounty Hunter and thought I’d be GREAT at tasering people.  And then I wanted to be a coach for the NFL Chicago Bears.  I would have the GREATEST threats of all time.  For instance,  if a player wasn’t performing well I would have their mom come down from the stands and threaten to have a player sit on her until her son did well. Talk about motivation.

Most of the time my plans don’t fall through. Usually something gets in the way, like did you know Bounty Hunting isn’t done in Illinois? And coaches in the NFL are all male? (Although that term is used pretty loosely these days if you ask me). Regardless, nothing has come to fruition.

One of my more recent goals came from watching the Biggest Loser. I looovvvee that show and even though its full of big fat crybabies, it still inspires me to get up and do my Jillian Michaels 30 day shred in between the challenges and the weigh in.   But the most amazing part of the show is when the finalists run a full marathon. A-ma-zing.  I sit there jaw-dropped the entire hour watching as these contestants run down the shore a full 26.2 miles and just think how incredible it is.

So the thought was in the back of my mind, like hey, I can do that! Sure, run a marathon? It doesn’t seem that bad. I’ve watched Run, Fatboy, Run, and he did it! Piece of cake.  But this dream, like being a Hedge Fund Manager, faded away, until the other day when Accidentally Sexy posted on Twitter how she wanted to run the Chicago 2010 marathon and it reminded me of my goal.

The timeframe below is a quick recap of what ensued the next day.

10:30AM- Looked into qualifications for Chicago 2010 marathon.

11:00AM- Asked friend who has ran marathons if you can stop to go to the bathroom during a marathon. Tips about pooping ensued.

12:20PM- Asked boss who also runs tips on what to do to go about running, being careful to not use the word “marathon” for fear of laughter and mockery.

12:30PM- Ate healthy salad for lunch! Lunchtime of champions!

1:30PM- Emailed another friend to tell her of my new scheme.  She was all for it and very supportive (and also a BL fan so thinks it would be a breeze).

9:00PM- Ate chocolate-covered bacon at the bar with beer. Official time of hitting rock bottom: 9:01PM.

Now, let me explain a few things first. I’m not normally hitting up the bars on Tuesday nights boozing and eating things covered in chocolate, but I needed to meet up with a friend to discuss our soccer team that is starting and had to work on getting a sponsor (hence, the bar).  And the chocolate-covered bacon was a recipe the chef was trying out as one of their new desserts, so the bartender was passing around free samples.  But as soon as I took my first bite of chocolatey covered bacon, I remembered what I had been obsessing about the entire day, and I realized: eating chocolate covered bacon is the polar opposite of what I should be doing if I ever want to run a marathon.

So the next morning (that would be today) I woke up, wiped the bacon crumbs off myself, and packed myself a gym bag. I lugged it on the train and downtown and it is presently sitting under my desk here:

 After work I will promptly head over to my old college’s gym and ask them to please sign me up right away, referencing the above mentioned bacon only if necessary. 

And now the goal. AC said last night that if I tell people about this, that I really and truly have to do it. So in front of God and all things holy, I swear on a pile of bacon that I will train and run* for the Chicago 2010 marathon.  I haven’t run more than a mile since high school, but I figure now’s a good of time as any to start. If anything it will give me excellent blogging material.

Honestly, how hard can it be?

*(The term “run” in this context refers to all forms of movement in which I can get from point A to point B.  This includes but is not limited to: sprinting, running, jogging, light jogging, walking, limping, crawling, and that seal-move where you drag your body across the ground using your arms.)

Years and years and years ago, when I was about to turn 21 (approximately 4 to be exact) I wrote this song. For those of you that read my old LJ, this may be familiar to you.  I felt it appropriate to post it on my blog seeing as my baby sister will be turning 21 in exactly 3 DAYS! I cannot wait and am almost as excited as when I turned 21. Although idk who’s going to do things for me when I’m drunk like hold my beer coupons so I don’t lose them, pick me up from the bar/train/random location when I need to be picked up, buy me lunch when I am hungover and too tired to put on shoes, and so on and so forth.

So here is my greatest musical accomplishments to date.  It’s sung to the tune of, “Part of Your World” from the Little Mermaid (when she’s in her cave). You must sing it to this tune in order to get the full effect. =D

Be 21

I wanna go where the drunkards go
I wanna see
Wanna see ‘em chugging
Walking around with those
(Whadda ya call them?) oh-shoooots
Not 21 you don’t get to far
Drink warm beer in your mother’s car
Strolling around like a
(What’s that word?) teeeen
Up where there’s beer
Up where there’s fun
Up where they drink all day in the sun
Drinking till three
Wish I could be
Be twenty-one

What would I give, if I could
Enter in a bar?
What would I pay, to have an ID
That looked like me
Betcha in bars
They understand, they don’t
Have to go home early
Red faced drunks
Drunk like skunks
Barely can staaaand

And ready to know what the bartender knows
Making a mixed drink like cosmos and mai thais
What is Cuervo and why does it
(What’s the word?) Buuurrn?

When’s it my turn?
Wouldn’t I love
To sit on a bar stool way up above?
Drinking till three
Wish I could be
Be twenty-one

As promised to my faithful follower Patty, here is a story of my new Blackberry, with a very sad twist of fate. I also posted it on the Royalty page here: http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/redeye-royalty/2009/12/one-cracked-out-blackberry.html

Warning: The following post is absolutely devastating. If you do not enjoy reading depressing articles, specifically ones where snazzy handheld devices get destroyed, please do not continue.

I’m not typically one who needs the biggest and best. I cut coupons, shop at Target for most of my fashion needs, and am not ashamed to admit my TV is not a flat screen.  However there is one material possession that I always seem to need to have the top of the line model, and that is my phone.

My desire first began back in grammar school, when pagers were the latest and greatest thing. No, I was not a Doogie Howser type child prodigy where I needed to be paged for emergency heart transplants, nor did I sell illegal narcotics on the streets.  It was just the cool thing to have  for some reason.  I BEGGED and PLEADED for my parents to buy me one, arguing my case that they could get in touch with me whenever they needed. (Although, they were the ones who drove me from school to volleyball practice to home, so I’m not exactly sure how I won that argument.) This is where my obsession all began.  From the pager my natural progression developed into my first cell phone, the infamous Nokia that played “snake” and had an antenna that you could pull out to get even crappier reception. Next was a slew of better ring tone-equipped technology that grew smaller and trendier at the same time.  I remember when I first signed up with my carrier Verizon and they told me about the “new every two” where you can upgrade to a new phone every two years.  Surely, I wouldn’t need this, I just bought the greatest phone ever! Nothing could top my [insert prehistoric phone model here]!

 My latest phone to date was my LG Dare, which was getting the job done, and had some cool features as well like a touch-flip-screen that allowed me to text at record speed. But lately, (around month 15-I barely made it a full year) it just wasn’t enough. I caught myself eyeing Blackberry users on the train and questioning my crackberry friends whether they preferred their old phones to their new devices.  Then the deal breaker came when my boyfriend AC (who, by the way actually NEEDED a Blackberry for email communication rather than incessantly checking his twitter… like myself) bought one for work. I lasted about two months before the green-eyed monster of jealousy took over and I caved. Blackberry Tour-ACTIVATE!

 Cut to 9 days later…Blackberry Tour-DEACTIVATE!

 APPARENTLY, Blackberry’s are sensitive. No one told me this. I, the person who likes to toss their phone in frustration and doesn’t even bat an eye when my phone jumps out of my pocket onto the sidewalk, was not informed of the sensititvity. However, I swear on all things LCD, I did not even DROP the damn thing and have no idea what caused it to look like this when I pulled it out of my pocket:

It is a mystery. Perhaps I half sat on it? Rubbed it the wrong way? Perhaps a bird flew by and the wind brushed to harshly against the screen? Who knows. But now, according to the sales peeps at Verizon, I have to pay $89 dollars even though I have insurance to get a new crackberry minus the crack.

 Sigh. Now I’m off to search crackberry.com to see if there’s a way to get around the $89 fee considering that I haven’t even gotten my refund back.  Pity comments or blackberry horror stories to which I can commiserate with would be greatly accepted below. Or if you wish to make a donation to the “Connie needs a Crackberry” fund, DM me on Twitter @CisforConnie =D

I wrote on the RedEye Blog again!  This time about how I spent my Monday in the freezing cold trying to take part in a scavenger hunt and failing miserably…

http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/redeye-royalty/

Here is my first post on the RedEye page.  It’s late (1am!) on a Sunday, I’m tired, ready for bed, and hope to God that this doesn’t sound completely moronic in the morning!

http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/redeye-royalty/

goodnight!